Of Friendship and Loss…..

GetAttachmentFriendship, what it means to individuals depends on each individual, but this is one definition we all accept:

noun:

  1. 1.
    the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
    synonyms: relationship, close relationship, attachment, mutual attachment, association, bond, tie, link,

    • a relationship between friends.
      plural noun: friendships

I would add that this is one of life’s most important relationships. To have friendship, we need a Friend.  According to the definition, a friend is a companion, soul mate, confidant, alter ego, second self….so you see, each and everyone of us sees a friend in a different way. That is what makes Friendship so important in our lives.

It has been said that Friendship is more enduring than love and having a romantic relationship with a friend almost guarantees it will last. C.S. Lewis once said that friendship has no survival value, except it gives value to survival. How incredibly well said!!! Humans cannot live without friendship, that is a definite fact.

We make friends along the way, as we live. Starting early in life, through school, university….in the places we live, in the clubs we join, in the activities we enjoy, at every stage, if we are lucky, we make friends. They are not alike and we don’t share everything with each one. Of course, we do have a special person with whom we can be ourselves, cry and laugh, swear and pray and be totally ourselves: our best friend!!

One thing I have learned: we can be perfectly happy with just one real friend. The need to have friends for the sake of numbers it’s not important. As we see nowadays on social media: everyone wants to have the most friends on Facebook or followers on Twitter. I am amazed how even people my age, consider this so important….why? I would never know. One is all we really need.

Then there are people that transcend all barriers in Friendship. The ones everyone considers a friend, the ones we can trust unconditionally and consider special. People that by being themselves, giving love and understanding and generously being there when needed are friends to many. The ones we are absolutely sure we cannot do without. Few are lucky to have one of these special people in their lives. My husband and I and many others did.

Arthur Schopenhauer said, Loss teaches us about the worth of things. An absolute truth!!! At this time in our lives, we understand this better than ever because are more aware of our mortality, our impermanence. Loss is always a devastating feeling, but now it is more so. It can makes us feel so alone, empty, even frightened. Coping gets harder as we grow in years.

While Loss means the same to everyone, grief is personal. We deal with it in different ways. There is no good way of doing it, but there is a process we must follow. With time the pain will lessen, but the memories will linger. They will become the balm in our wounded hearts and the smile in our faces, the laughs and the tears. This is reality……

10153284_10153200756850190_1741128049_nAround midnight on March 21st, we received devastating news. Just getting ready for bed, my husband got a phone call from his best friend’s daughter. How do you give this news? how do you prepare for them? Both are impossible, so she just said it: “my father passed away today”. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but I had such a bad feeling when Frankie sat down on the bed. Since he had mentioned her name before, I knew something was terribly wrong.

What can I say about Tony? This wonderful man, loving husband and father, exemplary son, brother, uncle, loyal friend and so much more. He was the friend we all should have, the one people look up to and admire. He was only 63 and we are going to miss him forever.

The fact is: Friendship and Loss are intertwined in our lives. So listen to your heart and remember: do not complain, accept what life gives you and make it work for you, be there for your loved ones, be generous….and laugh!!! Life is good, there are so many wonderful things still to experience and we should enjoy every one of them.

8 thoughts on “Of Friendship and Loss…..

    • Yes, Tony was special and his passing has touched so many. It is heartwarming that my words about him, have spoken to those who miss him…….thanks, Margie.

  1. Beatifully said. I liked your quote,

    Arthur Schopenhauer said, Loss teaches us about the worth of things.

    For it is the very thing that I felt on March 28 when my mother in law passed away. I hadn’t realized how much love I did have for her. But in her last 8 weeks of life, we all took the time to be by her side and give her love.

    It still seems surreal, that she has gone to heaven.

    • I’m so sorry about your mother-in-law….please give Eric my sympathy. I do know how it feels, it is why I love that quote. It says it all. We must take loss and use it to make us stronger and we must find solace in our memories.

  2. Friendship is truly needed, especially now in our later years. I have three really good friends – “sisters”. But my very best friend is my husband. We are at a point of change as we are about ready for retirement. A milestone. It is very easy for us to do things together and we often have to remind each other that we need to be doing things with others also. We cherish all our friends but we have already lost a really good friend and realize what you are now going through. Every word you said is so true. Enjoyable read. Thank you for your thoughts.

    • Marrying your best friend is said to guarantee success, so your are lucky. Friendship adds so much to our lives and we shouldn’t shy away from making news ones as we go along. Retirement will be exciting and will offer new possibilities of starting new and cementing the old friendships. We are not ready yet, but I am planning……thank you for sharing your thoughts!!!

  3. Nicely said Mercedes. Tony was truly a gentle soul. Loss cannot be learned. It happens, you deal with it in your own way but you’ll never get used to it; you just learn to live with that empty space in your heart and in your mind. Life goes on but once you suffer a major loss, you begin asking questions and wondering what it is all about. There are no answers. It’s just life.

    • Indeed, it’s just life. We cannot try to look for answers, we can only learn to keep on going. Life continues, I would like to think that our loved ones would want us to make the most of it. Tony always did, regardless of the very hard losses he suffered. He kept going, enjoyed everything that came his way. I would feel blessed if I could do half as well…..

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