Tossing Out Control!!!

DSC00706Yes, the time has come and not too soon. I don’t know about you, but I tend to be controlling.……if you know me, you know. Having some saying in what is going on around me is important to me. Well, at least it was until recently. Don’t get me wrong, I have not achieved this tossing yet, but I am listening. I still have to bite my tongue sometimes when I think I know best and should enlighten my family, friends, even strangers. A very annoying practice indeed……

In our quest to control, we lose sight of the fact of people’s reaction to our interference. All we see is that we know the answer, we know best, we can help if only people listen. A control freak just doesn’t see beyond his/her nose. Consequently, we seem out of touch. Still, we are so caught up in our own world, we fail to understand what is going on. Being in control is too much of a high!!!

For me, coming to the decision to toss out control, was gradual. I kept feeling that my comments and suggestions were not longer accepted of sought or even listened to!!! Comments from family and friends, nicely phrased and generally gently delivered, were becoming more common. There was no mistaking the obvious: I was overstepping into their lives. More importantly, I could be undermining their self-confidence. What a discovery……and why did it take so long?

IMG_1088Now, when it came to just everyone else, I was doing the same. If I heard a comment, if I read an opinion…….I was ready to put out my take on the situation. It was something I did without thinking and I was not always gentle about it. Of course, it is human to have opinions, it is alright to have different opinions or solutions to a given problem, but we must never assume ours is better or right or more important.

This takes me to another subject: being right. I remember arguments that were so unnecessary, so unimportant. The need to be right, to correct what we see as mistakes could be very powerful…….and irrelevant. Even if our solution or opinion could save the world, there would still be others out there who would disagree. So tossing out control, should go hand in hand with tossing out being right!!

In the end, what has fueled the need to toss out control and listen to a new way has been the fact that when we try to control everything, we enjoy nothing. We get caught up in our own world, we don’t listen to others, we can become isolated from our family and friends even if we see them everyday. Besides, there is much to enjoy and much to share.

This will be a challenge, no doubts about it. Something I have done for years and felt I was right in doing so needs to change. The time has come to accept others know what they are doing, their opinions might be right or wrong, but it’s not of my business. Everyone has to live their lives as they see fit and no amount of interfering will change that fact.

As with everything I am tossing in my life, I need to balance it with listening to a new idea, a new way and a new perspective. This time I am listening to others, paying attention to what they say and mean. This give and take has served me well so far as I continue to learn and to grow. In the end, it all will be for the best!!!

 

P.S. I used to buy orchid plants in bloom. So I needed new ones all the time, now I care for them and they keep blooming. Thought I share…….there is a lesson here too!!

6 Comments

  1. Betty says:

    Unfortunately, I have this same trait. About 10 years ago I decided to keep my mouth closed and think before I started. It has paid off with much less confrontation, etc. However, I do have a relapse now and then. But it is easier now and watching others do it makes me ashamed of how I once was. Good article, Mercedes.

    • Mercedes Mercedes says:

      Thanks, Betty!!! This is a challenge for a lot of us. Fortunately, some of us have decided to do something about it. It is not worthy, much better to just let go. Will keep everyone posted on my progress.

  2. Ana C. Bolduc says:

    I need to comment on this post because I share with my sister this trait; I feel compelled to comment/correct other people’s opinion just about on every subject….being aware that most people do not care and further they are not going to change their mind, I want to set them straight…so I think. Part of it is your character, but, also influenced by the way you were brought up…in our home we were encourage to learn and then participate on discussions with the adults. The themes were diverse and encompassed very many subjects; a way to learn and share knowledge. As I look back, I think there was also some sort of competition going on….maybe…..
    Growing up with a very opinionated father, a very outspoken mother and a brilliant know-it-all grandmother, greatly contributed to this part of my personality. Then I chose a career where I had to constantly challenge myself and share knowledge with staff and clients in a very competitive environment…that did not help either.
    Now a days I am taking a step back, most of the time; trying to listen more and opine less

    • Mercedes Mercedes says:

      Absolutely!!! We were very lucky with our home education, most children were not allowed to participate in conversations much less give opinions. Fortunately for us, as we have grown in years we have seen that it is not necessary to always have an opinion or always be right!!

  3. It’s a tough task you have set Mercedes…changing life time habits is not easy. Years ago I made a promise not to do something and I kept to it but it wasn’t easy. Everyone is right. Everyone is wrong. Who cares!

    • Mercedes Mercedes says:

      Indeed it is, Irene, and who cares is right…..but I think I am finally ready to tackle this. I try not to promise to do this or that because I feel a promise can tie us down, we might feel constricted. So this time I am just presenting myself with a challenge: something that needs doing, something to work towards achieving. We’ll see…..

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