Wine, Rain and Tears

IMG_0555What a combination these made on my last trip to Panama. After almost nine years and twenty-six trips, we finally made the hardest decision. Our mother is now in a place where she can get all the care she needs and we are still adjusting to the idea.

On November 6th, my sister Ana and I went to Panama. This time we were not coming back without finding a permanent solution to our mother’s care. The next ten days were stressful, sentimental, cramped with difficult decisions and strangely enough, funny.

It was raining when we arrived and it rained all the way to my mother’s hometown. At times I was driving at 50 km/h. Thankfully, Ana kept me company and we plowed ahead. Took us longer than usual, but we were so grateful when we arrived. It was clear!!!

Laura was waiting for us and we realized we were just in time. Caring for an aging parent is hard enough, doing it without help is almost impossible. The decision was made….there was no reason to continue. Our mother was not receiving the adequate care, nurses are so hard to get. They prefer to work at hospitals. Never mind that we paid well, offered benefits and made them feel at home. They want to go home at the end of their shift, see their families, enjoy their lives.

The first few of days, we just concluded the plans, gathered the necessary paperwork, medications and personal items she would need. We visited her doctor, who agreed with our decision, went over the new treatment for her sleeplessness, made her as comfortable as possible and waited.

In the evenings, we sat around talking, reminiscing and laughing while having a glass or two of wine, and more than once, crying. It was not going to be easy, but we were determined to get this right. It was the least we could do for our mother. After all, she was counting on us being there for her until the end. Having to change plans was not what she expected nor what we thought would happen.

Finally the day arrived: Friday Nov 13th. We rented a special car, big enough to accommodate her belongings, Doris, her companion of more than twenty-five years and a nurse. We chose someone she knew well. We engaged a driver also.  We planned every detail. The owner of the home had advised us that it was better for us not to travel with her. Too many goodbyes, she said, would make it so much harder for our mother and for us. We had to trust her, she has done this for years. As you can imagine, it was not easy.

Shortly after they left, I drove to the city. It was better if one of us was available if our presence was needed. It was a long and lonely drive, but I made good time. Arriving in the city, it started to rain again. Then the hotel had mixed up my reservations and I had no room for that night.

IMG_3615Had to drive to a different hotel for one night. Nothing to it…….well, not so fast. Even though it was close by, traffic, one-way streets and rain made it an ordeal. It took me more than an hour to navigate a few city blocks!!! Fortunately the place was great, the service excellent and my evening was better than I had expected.

My sisters arrived the next day. I had already checked in at our hotel, so I left to return the rented car. We settled for the evening, talked so more, watched the news from Paris, tried to relax and kept in touch with the person in charge of the home. Then it started raining again, but there was no wine.

Sunday arrived and we got ready to go see our mother, at least see how she was coping. After a very good brunch washed down with Mimosas, we were ready. By then the skies had opened and it was raining cats and dogs. Never mind, we were so pleasantly greeted by the owner, who is a friend of friends. She was warm, engaging, so caring and understanding. She put us at ease immediately. We left with tears in our eyes, but with a gladdened heart.

We realize this has truly been the right decision. Our mother has adapted well; she is sleeping, eating and engaging with others. Her special chair and hospital bed have arrived. In time, we will decorate her room with all her personal mementos. The care is just what she needs at this stage, there is always someone there if she needs it. There is also the company of other ladies, who have taken to her so lovingly.

More trips will happen, but they will be more relaxed, more to enjoy our mother than to run around trying to solve problems. She is in good hands. Almost everyday, we receive reports, we receive photos and we are grateful. Next time, there will be wine for celebration, tears of happiness and relief. Not so sure about the rain, but that would be welcome too.IMG_3609

Unconventional Wisdom and a Four Letter Word

IMG_2346Learning is something that never stops. All our lives we are learning. Must importantly: how much is just conventional ideas, accepted by most and how much is unconventional and wonderful and good for the soul? Have to say it is a matter of opinion or a matter of timing. Sometimes I think I give this too much thought. Fortunately, thinking have taught me that unconventional wisdom is the way to happiness.

Go with the flow, accept, use everything to make your life better, I tried to tell myself…….and finally I have listened. I am aware everyday of these lessons, I even write posts about them here. Most of the time I strive to put them to work for my family, my friends….mostly I try to put them to work for me!!!

I am sure I will get to ninety since my mother’s female line is full of ladies that got to their nineties. My mother is almost ninety-two. Besides, my paternal grandmother was ninety-eight when she died. So, my ninety year old self would have a lot to say to me. Her advise would be mostly unconventional and very positive.

I just have to listen:

Do not fight everything, pick your fights and win them!!!

Do not pay attention to what people say, they have their own problems and are just ignoring them by meddling in your life.

Pay attention to what you love, what you like and what makes you happy. Everything else is not important, trust me!!!

Financial security can be achieved at any age.

You just have to trust your instincts and be less apprehensive.

Love can last an age, do not give up on it. Who would have thought!!!

Keep doing what you are doing, it’s your time now.

Finally, you are getting to a point where you are happy with who you are and enjoying life. Good for you. You have a long and full life ahead. Live it to the max.

P1000086My ninety year old self would also tell me to FUEL everything in my life, now when it still counts. That is my four letter word,  and what a wonderful one it is.

Fuel your new-found interests, fuel your love life, fuel your relationships with your children, friends or sisters.

Fuel your intellectual curiosity, do not give up on your talents.

Fuel the recognition you are getting for your efforts by keeping up your inspiration.

Finally, she would say: This was so much fun, so glad we had this conversation!!!