This is not an easy topic to tackle. Most of us want nothing to do with talking about death. Somehow thinking that if it is ignored, it would not affect us. I am not criticizing or mocking. Everyone deals with issues in their own way, but since this is inevitable…….we must talk about it.
Death happens at any age, that is true, but at our age we are bound to have more encounters with it. Nothing morbid about it, it is just reality. Friends and family are also growing in age and it happens. Life is terminal, someone said once, and she was right.
This week has been very difficult for me. One of my oldest and dearest friends is in her final days. It has been coming for a while, but is no less painful. Seeing a loved one deteriorate slowly, trying to keep communication open without touching on the inevitable is very hard. She knows, I know….but how to approach the subject. How to say goodbye? How to talk about memories and shared experiences without breaking down? How to be there when you are so far away?
I have tried to make it light, to bring up the best times we shared, to recall the times we laughed and dreamed. Still not easy, I do not have the answer and cannot impart wisdom, sorry. All I know is that it needs to be done, you need to talk and reminisce and laugh. You need to remember the good and the bad and cry if you feel like it. Do not hold back and pretend all is well.
Sometimes you feel you have not said everything, that you forgot something that is very important. You struggle to remember everything, but what is happening takes over your brain and your heart and you cannot. Still, do it, talk and laugh and cry, your loved one knows better than you what is coming and have accepted it. Do not make their parting difficult. Let go……
Let GO of everything that makes you sad and mad, everything you perceive as unfair. Cry, scream, yell. Blame the Universe, God or whoever……they can all take it, trust me. It is not the magic pill for grief, but it is healthy and necessary.
When everything is over, take stock of your life again. Make yourself a promise to live to the max, to enjoy everything that comes your way and to be grateful for the time you still have and for everything and everyone you have in your life. Dry your tears and look forward. There are still dreams to bring to fruition and memories to make and share.