Of Friendship and Loss…..

GetAttachmentFriendship, what it means to individuals depends on each individual, but this is one definition we all accept:

noun:

  1. 1.
    the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
    synonyms: relationship, close relationship, attachment, mutual attachment, association, bond, tie, link,

    • a relationship between friends.
      plural noun: friendships

I would add that this is one of life’s most important relationships. To have friendship, we need a Friend.  According to the definition, a friend is a companion, soul mate, confidant, alter ego, second self….so you see, each and everyone of us sees a friend in a different way. That is what makes Friendship so important in our lives.

It has been said that Friendship is more enduring than love and having a romantic relationship with a friend almost guarantees it will last. C.S. Lewis once said that friendship has no survival value, except it gives value to survival. How incredibly well said!!! Humans cannot live without friendship, that is a definite fact.

We make friends along the way, as we live. Starting early in life, through school, university….in the places we live, in the clubs we join, in the activities we enjoy, at every stage, if we are lucky, we make friends. They are not alike and we don’t share everything with each one. Of course, we do have a special person with whom we can be ourselves, cry and laugh, swear and pray and be totally ourselves: our best friend!!

One thing I have learned: we can be perfectly happy with just one real friend. The need to have friends for the sake of numbers it’s not important. As we see nowadays on social media: everyone wants to have the most friends on Facebook or followers on Twitter. I am amazed how even people my age, consider this so important….why? I would never know. One is all we really need.

Then there are people that transcend all barriers in Friendship. The ones everyone considers a friend, the ones we can trust unconditionally and consider special. People that by being themselves, giving love and understanding and generously being there when needed are friends to many. The ones we are absolutely sure we cannot do without. Few are lucky to have one of these special people in their lives. My husband and I and many others did.

Arthur Schopenhauer said, Loss teaches us about the worth of things. An absolute truth!!! At this time in our lives, we understand this better than ever because are more aware of our mortality, our impermanence. Loss is always a devastating feeling, but now it is more so. It can makes us feel so alone, empty, even frightened. Coping gets harder as we grow in years.

While Loss means the same to everyone, grief is personal. We deal with it in different ways. There is no good way of doing it, but there is a process we must follow. With time the pain will lessen, but the memories will linger. They will become the balm in our wounded hearts and the smile in our faces, the laughs and the tears. This is reality……

10153284_10153200756850190_1741128049_nAround midnight on March 21st, we received devastating news. Just getting ready for bed, my husband got a phone call from his best friend’s daughter. How do you give this news? how do you prepare for them? Both are impossible, so she just said it: “my father passed away today”. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but I had such a bad feeling when Frankie sat down on the bed. Since he had mentioned her name before, I knew something was terribly wrong.

What can I say about Tony? This wonderful man, loving husband and father, exemplary son, brother, uncle, loyal friend and so much more. He was the friend we all should have, the one people look up to and admire. He was only 63 and we are going to miss him forever.

The fact is: Friendship and Loss are intertwined in our lives. So listen to your heart and remember: do not complain, accept what life gives you and make it work for you, be there for your loved ones, be generous….and laugh!!! Life is good, there are so many wonderful things still to experience and we should enjoy every one of them.

Christmas Holidays!!!

IMG_1051Christmas has come and gone.  As most everyone else, I love this time of the year. On the other hand, I never know what to do: just let go and enjoy every minute or just reminisce. Those are not mutually exclusive, you would tell me, but they are in my mind. What to do!

My family loves Christmas and I have made it special throughout the years. I kept traditions, cooked, wrapped presents, decorated…I was exhausted by the time the Big Day arrived. Everyone seemed to enjoy the season, and I guess I did too. We all know this fact: Christmas is made of memories. These memories can be sad and happy, all at the same time. I am usually nostalgic at this time, as if I am thrilled and upset about having to celebrate. I have been told this is normal, whatever that means. Have never strived to be normal!!!

To be truthful, I tend to dwell on my past lives more than some during these days. Friends and family and celebrations we shared. From my earliest memories, back in Panama, when celebrations were not at all like the ones I learned to put together later on in life. Everything centered in the birth of Jesus, the manger in a place of honor with beautiful porcelain figurines. Family dinner on Christmas Eve, Midnight Mass and exchange of presents before going to bed. Everyone got enough presents to be happy, but never too many to appear wasteful. My parents were very good at this. Some days, I find myself humming Christmas carols I haven’t heard in years!!! In Spanish and very sentimental, these carols were part of my mother’s repertoire when she used to sing with us. Wonderful times.

IMG_1047Then I came to school in the States. Completely different culture, not unknown, but not totally familiar either.  Santa and stories of snowy celebrations, carols that were joyful hymns about sleighing and frightful weather and jingle bells became favorites!! I added them up to my traditions. During this time I met and married Frankie. His traditions were different, so when we had children, we adjusted and took from one and from the other and made new ones for our new family. Our children grew up with them and I have to say, it has been successful!

IMG_1043We settled in Curaçao and our Christmases became more than special. Most of Frankie’s family on the island is Jewish, so our celebration was very family oriented…very much only for ourselves! My in-laws, the children and us: dinner, presents, watching some special movies, carols. Morning Mass on Christmas Day. Those were the days when, I think, Christmas became such an important part of our family traditions: a time really for ourselves only. In many ways, it still is….but we are changing!

Since moving to Miami, new traditions have been started. We share Christmas Eve with my family and Frankie’s when we are here. He has enough cousins to make this celebration huge! We go there first. Then we go to Ana and Laura and her children. It is family, relaxed and fun. Some years, we have traveled and we have shared with friends. Of course, we have also been know to suffer from FOMO: Fear of Missing Out.  Missing the reunions with family and friends, missing the traditions, missing not sharing….just plain missing.

This year, Frank couldn’t be here for Christmas. He came the week before to celebrate with us. Dinner celebration for our anniversary and presents exchange afterwards. Worked beautifully!! The house was decorated: a real tree with all our ornaments, the ones we have bought along the years of being together, the ones the children have given us or made themselves all those years ago. Poinsettias, lights on the balcony, candles. It’s been a while since I did this.IMG_1035

Then there were the messages from friends all around the world. In these days when people are so stressed and so busy, it is wonderful to see that my friends take the time to keep in touch. Some of them do during the year, but others only touch base at this Joyous time. Never mind, all the news are important, all messages answered, good news celebrated and sympathy went out to those with not so good news…thankfully these were few and far between. These remnants of previous lives, of years spent abroad when your friends were your family and ties were formed that will always be there, make a good part of our cheer…every Christmas!

Christmas Eve was very peaceful, my family only at my sister Ana’s beautiful home….with delicious food and gift exchange. This is a time to celebrate being together and so we did.  Laughter and enjoyable recollections of times past.  It is wonderful to see that after all these years, my sisters and I still can make each other laugh. Unfortunately, I was under the weather, so Camille, Frankie and I went home early.

Next year, we will get together again and celebrate our similarities and our differences!! After all that is the real Spirit of Christmas!!!